The face of death...

Every one of us is gonna go back and meet the God Almighty


This morning I visited one of my neighbour who had just passed away last nite. He wasn't too old to dye actually. He was about 50-55 as I can see his face is still quite young. He died because of suffering a complicated diseases on cardio and lunge.

A month ago we were just had a conversation and sharing our laugh. I never noticed that he has such a serious diseases. I was very shock when I met him again a week before he dies. He was so so painful, almost unable to recognice every person that he actually known. I was so sad looking at him dying without any hope.

I saw so many people in deeply sad and crying. Some of them pray and the other recite the Qoran. I took a while to take a look at his face and touched it. It was so cold. He was so peaceful. Another while, I took the Qoran and start to recite sura Yaasiin. All sudden I was trembling all over my body.

God, I didnt know what was I felt, but all sudden I thought about myself. What have I done so far. All the good things and bad things that I have done. About how far I was from God as I abandoned Him quite often, lately. I didn't do my pray so well.

I cried without the tears! 

The sound of my voice reciting sura Yaasiin drowning me in a sea of regretness even more. I remembered my last conversation with some one. She remind me about how far I was going out of track. Remind me about what am I supposed to be .. being a good man, being a leader to my beloved wife and kids.

I knew she was right. Deeply in my heart I have to admit that I slightly changed from a good person became a monster. I've done so many things bad. I made the sins with my open eyes and mind. I keep doing that and worst sometimes with pride.

God forgive me...

I left that mourned house with question running in my head.

When is my time gonna come to an end?
Will I be ready when it is come?

So much time been wasted, less time to catch up..

God give me a guidance...


(my old journal)