Jujur - PART ONE

Dear Blogger... Kata orang.. eh, kata para blogger, ding! katanya, nih.. ngeblogging ini salah satu sarana kita untuk mengungkapkan apa aja yang ada dalam pikiran kita, menceritakan apa2 yang kita alami, dan tempat mengekspresikan diri kita... dengan jujur. Apa iya begitu? Apakah nggak terlalu naif kalo kita mengeluarkan uneg2 kita dengan jujur disini? Apa nggak bikin masyalaah buat kita nantinya? Soalnya, itu 'kan sama aja artinya kita buka kartu tentang siapa diri kita sebenarnya. Apalagi kalo kejujuran itu pada akhirnya bakal ngasih kita stempel sbg 'orang nggak bener'..

Jadi apa jujur itu perlu?

Belakangan saya seperti orang yang nggak punya keberanian untuk mengungkapkan apa2 di blog saya ini. Kadang saya menghabiskan begitu banyak waktu di ruang ini untuk meng-compose sesuatu, tapi selalu saja berakhir dengan nihil. Nggak ada yang bisa saya ungkapkan, karena saya nggak memiliki keberanian untuk berkata jujur. Kalaupun saya bisa membuat beberapa catatan untuk saya post, maka selalu saja berakhir dengan.. nge-klik 'Save as Draft'

Jadilah blog ini penuh dengan coretan-coretan draft yang hanya bisa saya baca sendiri.

Tapi, kenapa selalu saja ada 'sesuatu' dalam diri saya yang meronta minta dikeluarkan. Selalu saja ada keresahan tiap kali saya memutuskan untuk kembali menutup diri. Apakah memang tidak jujur atau being introvert itu tidak sehat? Kadang saya iri dengan teman-teman blogger lain yang bisa dengan riangnya sharing dengan kita semua. Bercerita tentang apa saja yang dia alami yang bahkan kadang menurut saya konyol. Tapi it always ended by making me smile or laugh. Atau kadang saya iri dengan teman blogger lain yang bisa menceritakan ’something big’ or ’something wonderful’ for which they can be proud of it. Proud of what they share with us. Rasanya saya nggak pernah memiliki sesuatu yang bisa saya banggakan so bisa saya share with the other.. with you, blogger fellows. Setengah edan saya mencari-cari bahan yg bisa saya ceritakan ke kalian, atau setengah idup saya berusaha mengingat kejadian menarik or nyenengin yang bisa saya share, yg bisa bikin saya bangga atau setidaknya bikin you orang senang membacanya.

Duh, kadang suka nggak enak juga punya blog tapi cuma dijadiin tempat buat ajang curhat. Nggak sehat banget kali ya?

One of the lovely letter... Share, ah..!

Dearest Ramz

Its so good to talk with you again even for quite a long time we dont have convo but Im still me, De One U know couple years ago :)

In Fact de reason I called you because last night I read our ancient diary and Im so flattered, U write so many things about me! I Dont realised that You very atention on my daily life. since I went to Paris to visit Arrie until go Bali to heals de pain after de lost of de angel, Bout Q..... , Complicated KPU Tender also when excited building my own office.

Whew!!! U care with me so so so much even You very busy in life.
How could you do that?

Fyi hmm hmm I still have de letter when U mention loving My Voices and Im complaining that You only L O V E my Voices not de whole me!! it was when Im in Bali middle of Asean Confrence Im complaining to you to love de whole me!!! Remembered all those thing made me smiling. So Lucky now I have someone who loves me completely totally not only my voice :) Read our ancient email made me smiling

Anyway all I wanna say Today is......... I really Miss You!!

I do miss our togetherness in "our world" Only You and me and all de feelings we shared
All these time I said to you my feelings to someone in real life it wont reduce my feelings to you because what I have for you different with de feelings I have for My Lovely Cho ( yes I always called ILHAM by that name ) Dont be jealous anymore please :)

You should be happy for my happiness cause he is a great man.
He look after me very well, full of Loving n tenderness . Togetherness we learn from our mistaken

Reach to de future with all our limitation Being with him made me feel peacefull

Ups sorrrry I told to many about him in this letter :)

De Point is You should know I do love you both in different way. All those feelings made me happy n completed. God is very kindness to me to sent all loving people to fullfill my days

Dearest Ramz

In This letter I want to explaining one more time bout de reason refuse our meeting. I did that NOT because I dont feel de same as you feel but I dont want to betrayal all our lovely one with our meetings. We know what we feel inside our heart and its very happy. Both of us couldnt deny it All these time I tried to make you understand that when we Love someone doesnt have to be reflected with meeting person to person. cause with one meeting could be leads to another and other and other. Lets keep all de beauty feelings our love inside in our heart. Lock it up and feel de happines but dont use it to have justification 4 betrayal our real partner even only in mind. Especially I dont wanna to have divided feelings from Ilham and those reason I dont wanna you divided ur feelings too.

Just Put all our feelings in other dimension ,dont mix it up in real life. I dont want our relationship could ruin everything what we have now in real life, keep it that way dont ever changed at all. Please remembered for many years Ur de one became my digital diary to share bout everythin and it will be for forever in de future. our status/Title could be change by de time But I do know our feeling will stay de same , never changed. we always have de special place deep in our heart

I m still me and you still you

we still de same even this horizon is de placed we could meet

Thank you to always says that Im an Angel in your Life
Thank You to keep all de Love to me
Thank you to always listening me.

But I will be more Thank You if You could leave from de past and move to de future to concentrate to a happiness for you Lovely One.

Always
Ur Digital Diary
Althea

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