I miss my father.. I love my mother...

Today's on It's Me...


Dear Blogger...

Last night I suddenly miss my father. I miss him so bad. This happened since yesterday morning when i went to bandung with my younger brother. We are planning to open one simple-small kafee. We did survey for the place. Then we were discussing about what the name of the kafee is gonna be. My bro said that he wants to use 'Kafe Bros' or 'Kafe Brothers'.. I was agree at the first time. But then I realize that since Bandung is the city where my father was born, I really want to use this moment to memorize him. I was thinking about using his name for our kafee.

I think about using the name of 'Kedai Kang Komar', 'Kedai AA' or 'Kedai Baraya' instead of english language.

Its not about naming what make me feel this way. Its all about longing for my father that fullfill my thought since last nite. God, I miss him so bad. I just realize that I lost him for a very long time.

Thirty years!

Yeah, thirty years I live without my dad besides me. I just realize that I have not enough memory about him as I only know him for a very short period. All the memories about him is only when I was in 4-5 age. Not really much! Its just like an uncomplete puzzle. I could hardly remembering of his face. Thing that I could ever seen in my mind is only when people burry him in the backyard of my grandpa's home in Lembang. There he was burried. There is the place I always visit everytime I miss him.

Last night I cryed.

Now I am crying again.

Jeezee... It makes me feel like I am a child again everytime I remember u, dad.. I love you, no matter how. Eventhough I could only see your face in a blurted picture, but I know that your face is exist in my face. Your body is my body. I have even the same tall like you. Your nose is now became mine. Your eyes, your mouth, your hair even your ear.. they are now still exist in me, in all over my body. Your blood is in my blood. Haaa, that's why I feel now that you're so close to me. That's why I miss U, dad.

Hey, Dad.. Do you know that Raka, Romy and Meymey have part of yours in theirs? Raka's eyes and nose are like yours. Romi's chin is yours. Meymey's eyes is yours. And funny thing is they even have the same ear like yours, like mine. Hahahaha...

I feel better now.

I hope no matter how bussy you are in your place now, you can still thinking of me. I'll promise to protect all sister n brother and mom as well, day. She is fine. She is amazing mom and wife, Dad. She never think abt other man beside u. I can tell u no matter how hard she had to took care of us, she did it all alone by her self. And she did it very well to raise us. Now we grew up well. I love her so much. I called her just now dad and she is doing fine. Just about to sholat. I believe she always pray for you.

You take care, okay? I'll pray for you too so you could rest in peace. No hard and painfull day.

Allright. Catch you later.. I miss you so much, Dady.


Your forever kidos...
Mali

Nyanyian Pantai Laut Biru

Seseorang pernah bertanya padaku, seperti apa gerangan pantai yang bernyanyi. Aku tak menjawabnya, selain melayangkan seutas senyum. Memang tak perlu kujawab karena ia memang tak memerlukan jawaban. Juga tak perlu kuterangkan, karena ia bukanlah laut. Juga bukan pasir-pasir yang menjejali batas antara daratan dan lautan. Cukuplah bagiku untuk mengetahui nyanyian pantai dengan bahasa yang kumengerti sendiri, dengan telingaku sendiri. Karena akulah lautan biru, sedang pantai adalah bagian dari jiwaku. Maka ketika aku mendengarkan nyanyian pantai, sesungguhnya itu adalah bagian dari suara jiwaku. Nyanyian pantai adalah nyanyianku.

Barangkali ada nun jauh disana, di ketinggian yang tak pernah dapat kujangkau, seseorang yang menggantungkan jiwanya di langit biru. Seseorang dengan siapa aku bisa berbagi rasa, bernyanyi bersama, saling bersahutan lewat bahasa yang sama di cakrawala. Bahasa yang diwakili oleh satu warna. Biru.

Kedalamanku adalah ketinggiannya. Biruku adalah pulasan warna yang dia pantulkan dari kebiruannya. Maka jika aku membiru, seperti itu pulalah jiwanya. Dan ketika ia kelabu, maka suram pulalah jiwaku. Kelam dan kelabu.

Dan jika seseorang bertanya seperti apa nyanyian pantai, maka itu berarti dia memang tak bisa memahami aku. Dan memang aku tak pernah berharap seseorang akan bisa memahami jiwaku. Karena cukup bagiku menatap jauh di ketinggian langit biru, dan memintanya untuk berkaca di biru lautku, dan aku yakin seketika ia akan bisa memahami aku. Mendengar nyanyianku.

Nyanyian pantai laut biru.