Today, 21 February 2008

Today's note:

Sesungguhnya begitu banyak yang ingin kuungkapkan

hari ini

tapi semua lenyap, hilang, tertelan

gemuruh

tertunduk aku, tertekuk dalam sujudku

dan sebaris syukur tertutur

Segala puji bagimu,

Ya Robbie...

Overjoyed

Today on it's me...

Huaaahhhh, rasanya nggak ada kelegaan dan kegembiraan yang pernah gw rasain seperti apa yang sedang gw rasain saat ini. Entah tenaga dari mana gw peroleh hingga gw bisa tetep melek dan betah duduk diem-anteng-tekun-ulet-giat di depan laptop, ngerjain apa yang udah lama emang seharusnya gw kerjain.

Setelah berhari-hari gw tekunin, sesuatu yang sebenarnya harus gw lakuin beberapa bulan yang lalu, hmmm... mungkin setelah berbulan-bulan lalu.. nnnaaaah, it could be even longer than that.. yeap, setelah bertahun-tahun.. akhirnya gw bisa merasakan kelegaan seperti sekarang.

Hurrraaayyyyyy, rasanya gw pengen teriak sekarang!!! Eh, tapi disini lagi sepi banget. Jam segini, gitu loh! 01.18 a.m... Hehehehe, entar ajalah. Gw bisa lampiasin di atas motor King kesayangan gw. Helloooo, Kingggg. Tar kita ngacir bareng-bareng, okeeehhh??? okeh, cooyyy... Hahahahahahah... Yeah, biasanya gw kalo lagi seneng or suntuk or apa aja pengen ngelampiasin emosi gw, gw lampiasin di atas motor kesayangan gw itu. Gw mo ngebut, mo lelet, mo meraung-raung, mo tereak sampe serek, mo nyanyi keras-keras... semuanya gw lakuin diatas King gw itu. Ga percaya? Wahahahaha, gw pernah lagi seneng-senengnya nyanyiin lagu-lagunya James Ingram, sampe gw serek-serek-becek plus batuk-batuk uhuk-uhuk... gara-gara ngejar oktaf nada tingginya si James. Berhubung gw suka sama lagu-lagunya dan ehemm!!! gw merasa cengkok suara gw mirip sama cengkoknya James alias suara gw rada-rada mirip suara negro, hehehehehe... ya, jadinya gw kalo nyanyiin lagunya dia mesti dengan semangat gitu.

Halaahhh, kok gw jadi ngelantur ngomongin nyanyi!???

Hiyaaaaaaa, iya gw lagi semangat. Seneng banget gw saat ini. Fiuuuuu, akhirnya selesai. Akhirnya bisa juga kelar, dan gw kelarin dengan kemampuan gw sendiri. Pikiran gw sendiri. Otak gw sendiri. Tenaga gw sendiri... Keringat gw sendiri.

Duh, sayang nyokap udah pasti dah tidur... bokin juga dah pasti juga udah tidur.. tadi toh gw udah telpon bakal pulang jam-jam segini, hehehehehe... Hehehehe, sayang nggak ada yang bisa gw telponin buat sharing perasaan gw yang lagi ngejreng banget. Yeah, akhirnya tinggal selangkah lagi gw nuntasin apa yang dulu pernah gw janjiin sama diri gw sendiri. Bahwa gw pasti bisa. Harus bisa... Bisa!!! Pasti...!!!! Semuanya tinggal tergantung gw sendiri.. Apa gw mau semangat dan giat jalaninnya, ato nyantai leha-leha dan klemar-klemerrrrr kayak kura-kura.

Mom, thanks for your pray! I wish you could see the thing that you are always wanted. The moment that you are always waiting for.. The pride that you are always gonna give to all of your son and daughter...

And, Bon, my honey bony, thanks for your spirit and an outstanding understanding! I'm gonna give it all to you, you know that.. All I want to do is just to make you proud of me. All I always wanted is just setting a good example to our kidos, make them proud for having a father like me.. Jeezee, I'm getting too sentimentil now. Hahahaha. No way!

Hm, i think I better get run now.. Time is ticking! Cant stand to be at home right away..

Cheers!

Hmmmmm, should I ask her about what she'd promised me if I've finished this one?

When the rain down

Aku baru saja selesai menutup laptop dan bergegas untuk meninggalkan ruang kerja ketika samar-samar di luar kudengar gemuruh saling menggulung. Tak berapa lama kemudian, rintik-rintik air hujan berkeritik di dinding kaca yang tertutup blind hitam yang membuatku tak bisa melihat keadaan di luar. Hhhh, hujan lagi. Padahal aku baru saja mau jalan pulang. Seketika ke-bergegas-anku terhenti. Aku duduk terhenyak di kursiku kembali.

Hhhhh... I dont like this kind of situation. It's damned to empty. It's so quite. It's not about the solitude that I don't like much, but the feeling of being lonely. The fact that I'm alone. Sesaat tadi mungkin aku masih merasa nyaman dalam kesendirian karena masih disibukkan dengan sesuatu yang harus aku kebut hingga pulang larut malam seperti ini. Jeezee, it's 11.21 pm already. And I am still stuck over here.

I guess I better take my lap top back to online again. Cant stand with this too silent situation, without doing any thing. But, like I said before, I do love this silent. Hardly no audible sounds except drizzling on that window. I play no music, cost I dont like it much. I dunno why, playing mp3 some times make me even got headache. I preferred working in the silent.

My head started to flying around. My mind started to leap from one memory to another, from one face to another.

Hmmm, the rain. All sudden, it brought me to the memory of a face. The one that I use to call 'dew' abbreviation from morningdew. hmm, I just remember that she is the one who introduce me with the 'blog' and how to blogging.. I remember that she loves the rain. Especially, staring at the window when the drizzles splashing like the one that I'm staring at right now. I smile. No wonder she likes it. It makes me feel so peaceful.

Hmm... Its getting cold down here. Looks like I have to shut down the aircon. It's too freezing.

dew, I wonder where she is? 

I remember again, the day when I called her up at the very first time. Uhm, actually her thoughts was the one that made me like her at the very beginning. Her thoughts, her poetries, her blogs.. the way she play with words. It is so lovely! Then she drove me crazy. I heard her voice for the first time that nite. God, I dunno why but it sounds like I heard D voice.

D... why the hell is always D???

Now everytime the rain down I think about those face. Hmmm, so many face spinning around in my head. I smile again. Its funny. Every one has her own song. Wakakakaka..

well, let me see...

mysty from johny mathis... it relates to dew

Love is all around from wet, wet, wet.. it relates to the one I used to call AJ.

still remember of u also, AJ :)

together forever from rico j puno... hehehehe, its about D again.. damned!!!

you're my everything... know this song??? nananananana..nanana... hehehe, this is for my wife :)

you... basile valdez. hehehehe, i know 'little dith' is crazy about this song. i wonder where is edith now.. i love her voice!

another song.. this one used to be mean nothing.. but when I met phoe, all sudden I always remember this song.. halaaaaah, gw lupa judulnya. cuma hapal liriknya thok...

rambutmu yang hitam panjang, jatuh di bahu

kadang luruh di ujung dagu, bila engkau tertunduk

jemari tanganmu lentik, lembut memainkan gitar

nampaknya rembulan pun terkesima...

hmmmm, what else... yeaaa, listen to the rythm of the fallin' rain. its definitely si Ooy, the one from my junior high school babe... If only I had a courage to take her ran away buat... 'kawin lari'!!! wakakakak... dasar cinta monyet!

Well, the rain is gone.

Its getting so late.... 

and now its getting quite spooky here.

I guess I better be get goin'...

takuuutttt...

Gosh, you are so beaufitul... to me.

she was standing right before me, again.. after quite some times we've never met each other. the one that I can't deny that i could never stop missing her. 

since the day we made mistake, which is.. saying to love each other (something that "I" should have said a long long time before), then another and another mistakes we made, we end up to come round that we should have not done it. that we, obviously, were not meant to be together.. that we are already have our own life.. that we had to say good bye, whether we like it or not!




i dunno who started it actually, but, what i know is that she was standing in front of me. the same old 'her'.. with the eyes that I could never forgot.. the face that i always can describe precisely, inch by inch... the smile that it used to be all i care to see.. the whole her that i trembling cant stand wanting to hold her in my arm every time i close my eyes and paint of her in my mind..


now she was there with her brand new hair style that makes her seems so fresh and make me crush on her for a thousand times.. i wish i could have a gut to take her fingers in my hand and grab her wherever i want.. wherever i can.. just to kill this pain in longing for her. 

i wish i could make the world stop from its rotation, make the clock stop ticking, and make all people freezing so i can take her down into my hug without feeling guilty.. no need to anxiousness cos there are only me and her in this frozen world, in this static dimension. i wish i could hold her cos i miss her so much at that time and the million times before.


but all i could do is just staring at her, spread an unclearly smile and a flatten word sounds..   

Hi...

while my mind shouting out loud... 'Gosh, you are so beautiful. you always beautiful to me, lovey'..  but, those words spoken only in my mind. 

cos she doesn't have to know that.. 

i am still loving her. 

after all, i promised myself not to let her know what i feel about her, again. ever!


Gosh, you are so beaufitul... to me.